


Am I Loving Enough?

by jule1122



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: 12 Days of Malex 2020, 5+1 Things, Adoption, Communication, Established Relationship, Food as Love, Future Fic, M/M, Malex Secret Santa 2020, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jule1122/pseuds/jule1122
Summary: Five times Alex and Michael use food to show their love for each other and one time they use it to show their love for their family
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 38
Kudos: 111
Collections: 12 Days Of Malex 2020





	Am I Loving Enough?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AndreaLyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/gifts).



> Malex Secret Santa fic for [AndreaLyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn/) who asked for 5 & 1 fic, ala five meals alex/michael learned to cook for the other and 1 they did together with a hint of your prompt regarding Alex and Michael adopting. I hope this is what you wanted. Happy Holidays!
> 
> Title from "Columbia" by Local Natives

**1.**  
Michael lets the truck idle while he waits for Alex in the alley behind the Crashdown. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel and tries to relax. Alex’s dad is out of town, and they have the whole weekend together. It’s probably the last one they’ll spend together like this before Alex leaves, and Michael doesn’t. As their time together ticks down, things between them have been tense, Alex’s disappointment and Michael’s frustration swirling around them. He wants to forget all that this weekend, wants to just enjoy being with Alex again.

He hears a thud and turns around to see Alex tossing his bag into the bed of the truck. He lets himself in and kisses Michael quickly before pulling back. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Michael says back. “Your dad gone?”

“Yep, I am all yours for the next two days,” Alex sighs happily and kisses Michael again.

“Your brother give you any trouble?” Michael knows Flint generally ignores Alex unless he thinks it will get him points with their father, but he wants to make sure Alex won’t get in any trouble.

“I told him I was staying with Maria. He gave me these,” Alex wrinkles his nose and holds out a box of condoms.

Michael snorts, “He thinks you’re sleeping with”

“No,” Alex cuts him off. “He was just trying to embarrass me. But lucky me, I know exactly what to do with these.” Alex gives him a wicked smile and runs his hand up Michael’s leg.

“Let’s get out of here before someone sees us,” Michael takes a deep breath and starts driving. If they sit there any longer, he’s going to fuck Alex right there where anyone can see them.

He drives them out to the desert, a nice secluded spot where they can spend the next two days without fear of discovery. They take a few minutes to do the basics of set up before deciding it’s the perfect time to make sure the makeshift bed they set up in the back of the truck is comfortable.

A few hours later, Michael presses a kiss to Alex’s shoulder as he sees his eyes start to open. “You hungry?” he asks as Alex stretches and smiles up at him.

Alex shrugs, but they both laugh when his stomach growls loudly at the same time. “Ok, maybe,” Alex concedes. “But not enough to want to get dressed and go back to town.”

“You do have to get dressed,” Michael throws a shirt at Alex, laughing when he pouts, “but we aren’t going anywhere. I’m going to make you dinner.”

“How?” Alex looks around skeptically. 

“Don’t worry, I got this.” Michael throws on his clothes and gets out the camp stove and cast iron skillet he got from Goodwill while Alex slowly and reluctantly puts his own clothes on. He sets the cooler down next to the fire pit and gets out a few water bottles along with the dinner ingredients he scrounged from the Evans’ kitchen when he visited Max yesterday. 

“Here,” he hands one of the water bottles to Alex. He thought about bringing beer, but he didn't want to start another fight about his drinking. 

“Can I help?” Alex asks as he watches Michael line everything up on the cooler, using it as an improvised table.

“Grab some more brush for the fire,” he points to the area ahead of the truck. “I have s'mores for dessert.”

“Kay,” Alex leans into Michael, half hugging him before heading off in the direction Michael indicated.

While he’s gone, Michael quickly uses his powers to get all the cans open, something he really can’t manage with one hand. He dumps the chili into the skillet, covers it with a layer of cheese, and tops it all with the refrigerated biscuits. He sets it on the camp stove to cook just as Alex returns.

They pull the chairs from the back of the truck and get everything set up around the fire. He wishes Alex had bought his guitar, but he hasn’t played in front of Michael since the shed. Instead they sit close enough to hold hands and talk about nothing.

When he thinks their dinner will be done, he moves the cooler to sit in front of their chairs and grabs the trivet and oven mitt he also liberated from the Evans. He sets the skillet down and takes off the lid, letting out a relieved breath that it at least looks cooked.

He hands Alex a spoon, and they both poke at it, trying to get it to cool faster. Alex takes the first bite, smiling at Michael as he goes back for more, blowing on it this time. “This is good,” he says as his tongue darts out to grab a strand of cheese dangling from his spoon.

Michael takes his own bite, and it’s not bad. The chili is pretty bland, the biscuits are a little doughy in the middle. The cheese helps, but not enough to justify the pleased expression on Alex’s face. “It’s just canned chili. Nothing special,” he feels the need to explain.

“Hey,” Alex reaches out and turns Michael’s face toward him. “You made this for me. It’s perfect.” He pushes his chair even closer to Michael’s and leans over to kiss him.

This chili isn’t as bland when he tastes it off Alex’s tongue. When Alex pulls back, the look in his eyes is so soft and sweet, that Michael never wants to look away. He wants to say, ‘I love you, please don’t leave me,’ but that’s not what this weekend is about. Instead, he kisses Alex again before saying, “We should probably finish this before it gets cold.”

They eat the rest in silence, but Michael laughs when Alex holds his spoon out to give Michael the last bite.

“Thank you,” Alex says after they finish. He pushes the cooler off to the side and turns his chair so he is facing Michael. He takes Michael's hands and smiles suggestively. “So s’mores. Will the chocolate melt enough that I can paint you with it and lick it off your body?”

Michael feels his whole body flush just thinking about it. He swallows hard and pulls Alex into his lap. “Guess we’ll just have to find out.”

**2.**  
Alex waits until Michael has been asleep for about twenty minutes before he gently repositions him on the couch and gets up. He winces when he puts weight on his prosthetic. Normally he would have removed it when they started the movie, but he has plans, and he’s unsure enough in the kitchen without adding his crutch to the mix. He picks up the empty popcorn bowl and candy wrappers and quietly walks out.

Once he’s in the kitchen, Alex sets all the ingredients out, checking them off the recipe as he goes to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything. He reads through the directions two more times before he starts working. Alex doesn’t cook much, most of his meals are frozen or precooked, and he never bakes so the probability of him messing this up is high.

Grateful Michael is still asleep, he gets out a ruler to make sure he is slicing the challah bread to the correct thickness. Next he makes the custard, confirming again what seems like an excessive amount of eggs, before adding the cream, vanilla and spices. He throws in some brandy because it sounds good to him and prays it doesn’t completely ruin the dish. 

As he peels and slices the apples, he realizes he could have done this first and prepped the rest of the ingredients while he cooked the apples. He lets out a frustrated breath at his own inefficiency as he begins sauteing the apples in butter with cinnamon and brown sugar.

As he’s stirring the apples and trying to decide if they have softened enough, Michael shuffles into the kitchen.

He wraps his arms around Alex from behind and presses his cheek against Alex’s back. “Whatever you are making smells amazing, but there is no way I can eat another bite.”

Alex shuts off the stove before turning around and pulling Michael into a hug. “You are the one who insisted on popcorn and the king size candy,” he teases gently.

“Just trying for the full movie theater experience, but I wasn’t planning on falling asleep.”

“It’s fine,” Alex kisses Michael on the forehead before stepping back and refocusing on what he was doing. He tries to ignore Michael’s eyes on him as he carefully dips each piece of bread in the custard before adding them to the pan. 

He picks up the bowl to pour the rest of the custard over the bread, but sets it back down. It shouldn’t be this hard. He meant this to be a gesture, but he still has to make the gesture. When he turns back around, Michael is still watching him, looking a little confused but mostly adorably sleepy. 

“It’s a baked french toast,” he says, answering Michael’s almost forgotten question. “You make it the night before and bake it in the morning. I thought we could have it for breakfast.” He holds his breath waiting for Michael’s reaction. After four dates, it’s not an unreasonable offer, but things have been so good, he’s afraid of asking for more in case it backfires..

“We, huh,” Michael smiles, rocking back on his heels. “You want to make me breakfast?”

Alex nods and tries not to blush. “There’s bacon, too.”

“Pulling out the big guns,” Michael teases, but a moment later his smile fades. “So how exactly are you envisioning this sleepover? I can sleep on the couch?”

“That’s not,” Alex begins trying to figure out why Michael would suggest that. His stomach knots as he begins to fear he made a mistake in asking.

“It’s just it’s late, and I’m pretty beat,” Michael cuts him off before he can finish his thought. “Not really up for much tonight,” Michael gives him a twisted smile.

“That’s not what I want,” Alex says again. He knows there is a deeper conversation in Michael’s reaction, but he’s right that it is late, and they are both too tired to start a conversation that important. But for now, he needs to make it clear to Michael what he is asking for. He steps forward and takes Michael’s hands. “You can sleep on the couch if you want, if that makes you more comfortable. You don’t have to stay at all.”

He sees Michael’s face fall, and squeezes his hands in reassurance before continuing. “But I would like you to sleep in my bed with me. I thought it would be nice to hold you and wake up with you. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be more than that.”

“That sounds good, perfect,” Michael says, and they both relax. “But just to be clear, if in the morning, I wanted more?”

Relief makes Alex bold, “This will need an hour in the oven.”

Michael laughs, but it quickly turns into a yawn.

Alex let’s go of his hands and pushes him toward the bathroom. “Go, get ready for bed. I won’t be long.”

“You better not be,” Michael gives him a lingering kiss before yawning again and allowing Alex to nudge him out of the kitchen.

“You can borrow something of mine to sleep in if you want.”

Michael turns back and winks at him, “And if I don’t want?”

“French toast works for brunch too,” Alex replies. “It will keep.”

“I like my bacon extra crispy,” Michael calls over his shoulder as he finally leaves the kitchen.

Alex shakes his head and laughs. He quickly finishes assembling the french toast and covers it before sticking it in the fridge. It doesn’t take long to wash the dishes and put everything away. He smiles softly as he works, thinking about Michael waiting for him in his bed. If Michael isn’t already asleep, Alex is sure he will be before he finishes his own nighttime routine. He’s tempted to rush, but reminds himself that he doesn’t have to, Michael will be there when he is done.

**3.**  
Michael knocks on the back door of the Wild Pony, familiar enough with Maria’s schedule to know she reserves Sunday mornings for paperwork so he should be able to catch her alone.

She smiles when she opens the door, genuine but cautious. Even though she broke up with him over a year ago, there is still a little bit of awkwardness between them. He thinks they both wonder what might have been if she hadn’t been strong enough to end it or if he’d fought a little harder to change her mind. It’s not regret, Michael knows he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be, but more like they missed a step between who they could have been and who they are now. It's easier when they aren’t alone together, when it’s not so obvious when they stumble. And while it didn’t get worse we he and Alex got back together a few months ago, it didn’t get better either.

“I need a favor,” he cuts right to the chase.

“Ok?” It’s a question, but she inclines her head and waves him in. “Whatever you need.”

“Alex is sick. It’s nothing serious,” he adds quickly when he sees the alarm on her face. “Just a sinus thing. He’s on antibiotics, but he’s had a constant headache for the last week, and there’s not much he can take for that without it interfering with his other meds. He’s pretty miserable, and I,” Michael shrugs and lets his words trail off, the helplessness and frustration he’s felt watching Alex in pain overwhelming him.

“Do you want me to come over? Lull him to sleep with wine and bad movies?”

“Nah, he’s terrible company.” They both laugh, knowing it’s true. Alex tries so hard to act like nothing’s wrong he ends up feeling worse than he would if he would just admit he’s sick. “He mentioned once a soup your mom used to make when one of you was sick. Chicken chili?”

“Green chile chicken and rice soup,” Maria’s eyes light up. “I haven’t had that in years. Alex loved it.”

“Do you have a recipe? I thought I could make it for him.”

“No, mom never wrote anything down.”

He tries to hide his disappointment, “Thanks anyway.”

She catches his arm as he pulls away, “I can show you how to make it, if you want. I should remember how.”

“That would be great.” He waits patiently while she writes out a grocery list.

Michael is tempted to rush through the store, but he takes his time, double checking the list to make sure he has everything. When he returns, Maria leads him into the bar’s kitchen where a large stock pot and a few other pans wait on the stove.

“How much soup are we making?” he asks as he eyes the size of the stock pot.

“Enough that you will have plenty to freeze. That’s what the containers are for. Now start on the rice while I poach the chicken.” She hands him the bag of wild rice and points to the quantity she wants.

“You can use any kind of rice, but Mom always said wild rice was best,” Maria explains once they have both started on their respective tasks.

Michael nods, not really having a strong opinion on rice varieties. He’ll just stick with what he knows Alex likes. “What’s next?”

Maria hands him a bag of carrots. “Peel these then slice them.” She points him to the sink where she has a peeler, cutting board and knife set out. “You can do the celery next, and I’ll take care of the onion and garlic.”

There is music playing softly in the background, and Maria hums along as they get to work. Neither of them speak for a while, and just when Michael starts to worry it will become uncomfortable, Maria breaks the silence.

“This soup was Alex’s favorite. Sometimes Liz and I would pretend to be sick so Mom would make it for us. He would come to school and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, we could see he was in pain, but he would never tell us, wouldn't ask for help so it was all we could think of to do for him.” Maria’s smiles, but Michael sees the sadness behind it.

“He was lucky to have you for friends.” Alex doesn’t talk much about his childhood, but he has told Michael he doesn’t know what he would have done without LIz and Maria.

“I don’t know,” Maria shakes her head. “Even though Alex never said anything, we knew what his father was doing to him. But we were too afraid to help him. He needed a lot more than soup.”

“You were just kids too,” Michael reminds her. “And Jesse had a lot of power in this town. He would have found a way to get away with it and punish Alex even more.”

“Maybe,” Maria turns back to the stove, effectively ending the conversation. “Let’s get started on the broth.”

Michael hands her ingredients as she asks for them, mentally timing how long she lets each addition cook before adding anything new. So far he thinks he can recreate this in the future.

“Don’t hold back on the chiles. Alex likes it spicy.”

Michael wiggles his eyebrows. “Don’t I know it,” he jokes.

When he sees the surprised look on Maria’s face, he thinks he’s gone too far, but she laughs and hip checks him out of her way. “Think you can handle it?” she teases.

An easy joke sits on the tip of his tongue, but something makes him answer honestly. “I want to; I’m trying.”

“I know,” Maria smiles at him fondly and ruffles his hair. “I’m happy for you, for Alex, for both of you.” 

“Thanks,” Michael ducks his head to evade her hands and laughs. 

Maria turns up the music, singing along openly now, and they turn their attention back to the soup. Conversation ceases for a while, but it’s finally a comfortable silence.

“Now for Mimi’s secret ingredient.” Once the broth has simmered and the vegetables are acceptably tender, Maria adds cubes of cream cheese. “It thickens just enough without making it heavy.”

The soup comes together quickly after that, and Maria carefully ladles most of it into the containers Michael bought.

“Thank you. I really appreciate this,” Michael sets the bags down in the doorway and hugs Maria.

Maria squeezes him tightly and kisses him on the cheek. “No, thank you. I don’t know if Mom is really moving through time like she says or if it is neurological damage, but either way, most of the time she isn’t really with me. And I spend so much of my time thinking about the ways I’m losing her, I forget what it was like to have her. This soup, making it with her, that’s a good memory. So thank you for reminding me of that,” Maria wipes her eyes before shooing him out the door. “Now go take care of Alex.”

“Yes ma'am,” Michael gives her a lazy salute as he leaves.

Michael lets himself in when he gets to Alex’s house, still feeling a thrill that he can do that now. Alex is on the couch, frowning at something on his laptop. He smiles when he sees Michael, but the lines of tension and pain on his face don’t completely go away.

“Hey,” he greets Michael softly. “Did you go shopping?” He gestures to the two large bags Michael sets on the kitchen table.

“Not exactly, but I did bring you something,” Michael sets out a soup mug and a spoon. He sees Alex reach for his crutch, but waves him to stay where he is. Alex hasn’t left the house or put on his prosthetic since he came home from the base Friday evening, and Michael just wants him to relax.

When he walks into the living room, he sees Alex has closed his laptop and set it aside. Michael hands Alex the mug then sits on the coffee table facing him.

Alex closes his eyes and breathes in the steam from the soup, a smile immediately blooming on his face. He ignores the spoon, taking a sip directly from the mug, eyes still closed. Michael watches as he drinks a little more, still breathing in the steam. He sees how Alex’s shoulders start to relax and leans further into the couch.

Outside of their bed, he can’t remember ever seeing Alex this openly peaceful. It makes his heart hurt in a good way that he could give him this. He’s grateful Maria gave him the soup to freeze so Alex can have this whenever he wants without having to ask for it.

Alex opens his eyes then, and Michael sees all the love he feels reflected back at him. “This tastes just like Mimi’s. Where did you find it?”

“Maria taught me how to make it for you. I thought it would make you feel better,” Michael shrugs trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.

“I can’t believe you remembered that,” Alex’s eyes fill with tears. “Michael, no one has ever done anything like this for me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’m just glad you like it.”

“It’s perfect. I love it. I love you,” Alex reaches for Michael, but he shakes his head and stands up.

“I love you, too,” he kisses the top of Alex’s head. “Now finish that while I put the rest of it away. Then we’ll go back to the bedroom, and I’ll give you a massage. It will help with your headache.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Alex protests, just like Michael knew he would.

“I know I don’t need to, but I want to. Let me take care of you Alex. You deserve it, and I want to do it,” Michael holds Alex’s gaze, hoping Alex sees how much he wants to do this. He sees the moment Alex accepts the sincerity of his offer.

“Ok,” he nods at Michael. “That sounds really nice.”

His agreement feels like a victory and Michael smiles to himself and heads back to the kitchen, leaving Alex to his soup. 

**4.**  
“Michael, can you come here,” Alex yells from the kitchen.

Michael appears in the doorway, but stops at the threshold. “I thought I was banned from the kitchen,” he teases.

Alex rolls his eyes. “It’s not my fault you kept handing me the vegetables in the wrong order. I even had them lined up for you. How hard was it to remember beet, sweet potato, red onion, parsnip, candy cane beet, zucchini?”

“I was just trying to keep it interesting. No one would notice if your vegetable order wasn’t perfect.”

“I would notice,” Alex corrects him. He knows Michael was probably reacting to his own tension, trying to lighten the mood, but Michael shuffling the vegetables like a deck of cards and handing them to him in a random order was not helpful when he was trying to carefully make a perfect spiral of vertical vegetable slices in alternating colors. “But I’ll forgive you if you help me decide if this is done.”

“Fine,” Michael makes a show of reluctantly entering the kitchen, but his look of surprise when Alex takes the foil off the dish is genuine. “Alex, this looks amazing.”

He’s right, the vegetables had darkened beautifully while they roasted. And the combination of olive oil, garlic and parmesan he’s drizzled over them also smells wonderful. But that doesn’t mean it will taste good. “Here, poke it from the side and let me know if the vegetables feel tender.” He hands Michael a fork and waits.

“Feels good to me,” Michael says after he’s tested a few spots. He shrugs and hands the fork back.

Alex checks it himself and sighs in relief when the fork easily pierces the vegetables. “I guess it’s ok.”

“Ok? This looks like something out of a magazine. I don’t even know what it is.”

“It’s a root vegetable tian,” Alex flushes under Michael’s praise. “It’s not as fancy as it sounds. You're just roasting vegetables in olive oil, garlic and cheese, but slicing them really thin and making a spiral pattern makes it look good.” Alex tries to downplay the effort he put in to making it look perfect.

“You realize Isobel probably expected us to just pick up a vegetable tray from the store on the way over.”

“It’s Christmas Eve,” Alex tugs at the pompom on Michael’s Santa hat. “I wanted to make something nice.”

“To go with Isobel’s store bought ham and instant mashed potatoes? I think you have exceeded expectations.”

Alex looks away, feeling exposed and wondering if he went overboard. He doesn’t know how to explain why once Isobel responded to his offer to bring something to dinner with a request for a vegetable, he started scouring the internet for the perfect recipe. 

“Hey,” Michael pulls his attention back. “I’m not criticizing you. But you don’t even like to cook. If I didn’t know better, I would think you are trying to impress someone.”

“Would it be so bad if I was?”

“Who?” Michael asks in disbelief. “We have dinner at Isobel’s all the time, and it’s just our friends. They all know you hate cooking.”

“But it's Christmas. It’s our first real holiday doing things as a couple. Both our names are on all the gifts.” They’d been dating last Christmas, but only for a few months, and they hadn’t been living together. The holidays also fell in the middle of the Mr. Jones crisis, and no one had felt much like celebrating. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m not trying.”

“Trying at what?” Michael looks at him closely. “Trying at cooking or something else?”

“Holidays are important, right? And it’s a big deal to bring someone home for Christmas.” Neither he or Michael have much experience with holidays or normal relationship milestones, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. “We are never going to have the normal meet the parents holiday.” He ignores the way Michael snorts. “I should be bringing your mom flowers and giving your dad a bottle of scotch. And the biggest reason that isn’t happening is”

“Alex, don’t,” Michael cuts him off. He doesn’t say more, but it’s enough to remind Alex they promised not to dwell on the past when they got back together. That included Alex not taking the blame for his family’s actions.

“Fine,” he concedes. “But Isobel and Max are your family. I need to do this right.”

“That’s sweet?” Michael phrases like a question, clearly confused. “But I;m not taking you home to meet my family. This is my home and as far as Max and Isobel, you’ve known them for years. They see us together all the time. Max and Isobel helped me move in here. And you certainly don’t need to impress them. You helped Isobel learn about Louise, and I think you’ve saved Max’s life at least three times.”

“Most of that was before we were even together,” Alex easily dismisses Michael’s reassurances. “And that’s not what I’m talking about. All they saw of us in the past was you being hurt when I walked away. I can’t fix that, but I want them to know how important you are to me. I want them to see that it will be different this time, that I’m different. You deserve someone who loves you and supports you and treats you with respect. I want to prove that can be me.”

Michael’s eyes soften and he looks between Alex and the tian sitting on the counter. “That’s a lot of pressure to put on a casserole,” he says gently. “Even one as pretty as that.”

Alex laughs and rubs his eyes. He knows Michael is right; he’d blown this whole thing out of proportion, but he doesn’t know how to get his perspective back.

“The only people who get a say in our relationship are you and me. And I love you. I also trust you, and I don’t have any doubts about your feelings for me. OK?” Alex nods and bites his lip to keep from protesting. “You know what, come here.” 

Michael guides him into the living room and pulls him down to sit with him on the couch. He rubs his hands gently up and down Alex’s thighs. “Tell me what you are feeling.”

“Michael,” Alex looks away.

“I know you hate it, but it helps,” Michael prods him. “You know it does.”

“Fine,” Alex takes a minute to really think about it. “I’m anxious and frustrated. I”m frustrated because I’m anxious and because I know I am making a big deal of this. I feel overwhelmed and insecure.”

“Thank you,” Michael smiles, but Alex can see the concern behind it. “What do you want to do?”

“Make you happy.”

“Alex,” Michael closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Alex’s shoulder. “You can’t say shit like that when I am already emotional. You’re going to make me cry.” He sits back up, and Alex can’t resist straightening his Santa hat when it starts to slide off. “What do you want to do about what you are feeling.”

“Not feel this way,” Alex answers without even thinking about it.

“Do you want to skip tonight?” Michael holds up his hand when Alex automatically starts to protest. “Just listen to me. We’re going to spend tomorrow in our pajamas, in front of the fireplace, cuddling and watching Christmas movies. I am more than happy to start that tonight. This is our holiday, and all I care about is that both of us enjoy it. So do you want to stay home?”

Alex knows Michael is serious so he takes the time to consider what he is offering. Would he be better off staying home? The truth is before he started thinking of this night as a test of his worth, he’d been looking forward to it. The last few weeks had been hectic for all of them. Kyle has picked up extra shifts to make sure he could be there tonight and be free to go to church with his mother later. Both the Pony and the Crashdown were extra busy in the lead up to the holiday. And Michael has been flooded with people wanting their cars serviced before leaving town for the holiday. They’d all set aside a few hours to spend together, and he doesn’t want to give that up.

“No, I want to go,” he says confidently though he can see Michael still has doubts. “I’ll be fine, I promise. I just need to get out of my head. Talking through it with you helped.”

“I’m glad,” Michael looks relieved. “But if you change your mind after five minutes, after an hour whenever, just let me know, and we’re out of there.”

“I promise I’ll let you know if it gets to be too much.”

“Thank you. Now, can I ask you something?” Michael waits for Alex to nod before continuing. “You mentioned Max a few times, but you seem more worried about Isobel. Did she say something to you?”

“No, it’s just you and Max argue all the time. I think if he gave you a hard time about me, you’d just consider it a challenge or a turn on.”

“That might explain why I end up blowing you in his bathroom every time we go to his house,” Michael laughs.

“But your relationship with Isobel is different. I know you value her opinion. If she thought I was bad for you, I don’t know, I think it would bother you more.” It’s still hard for Alex to explain where all the doubts are coming from, but he’s trying.

“Look, like I said before all that matters is how we feel about each other, but of course I want Isobel to be happy for us. And yeah, it would bother me if she wasn’t, but it wouldn’t change anything about us. I would be upset that she could be so wrong about my life, but we don’t have to worry about that. Do you know why?”

Alex shakes his head.

“Isobel believed in us before I did; she was always encouraging me to tell you how I felt when I was still convinced it was better to wait. And the last time we were all together, do you know what she said to me when you and Kyle were playing pool?” Michael smiles gently and takes Alex’s hand. “She told me to dial down my glow because my happiness was blinding her. You, Alex, you make me happy enough to glow. Everyone can see that.”

Not knowing what to say, Alex leans forward and kisses Michael. He deepens the kiss when Michael wraps a hand around the back of his neck and pulls him closer. As they kiss, he lets Michael’s confidence and certainty take root, banishing the last of his doubts.

Alex pulls back and kisses Michael on the cheek before standing up. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”

“Fine,” Michael pretends to grumble as they put on coats and he gets the keys.

“Can you grab the tian?” he asks Michael. “I need to get this bag.”

“All the presents are already in the car,” Michael picks up the casserole and turns to see what Alex is doing. He smirks when he sees the grocery bag Alex is carrying. “You have flowers and scotch in there don’t you?”

Alex feels himself blushing, “Maybe.”

“Ten dollars Max cries when you give it to him.”

“You’re terrible,” Alex laughs, feeling lighter than he has all day.

“I love you though.”

“I love you too,” Alex stops Michael in the doorway where they hung the mistletoe, giving him one last kiss on the way out.

**5.**  
Michael stirs the chiles into the cornbread then pours the batter into the pan. He slides into the oven on the shelf below the enchiladas and confirms with a quick glance at the timer that they should be done at the same time. The rice is still simmering in the seasoned broth so he has time to clean up before he adds the corn, black beans and salsa.

As he cleans up, Michael takes a moment to appreciate the design of the kitchen. In the two weeks since they moved in, he and Alex have been living off take out so neither of them had spent much time in the kitchen. The long island with its second sink is as practical as it is eye catching. All the appliances are fairly new and while they don’t reach the level of creepy talking refrigerators, they are energy efficient and have more features than he and Alex likely need.

Once the rice is done, and he’s just waiting on the rest of the food to be ready and Alex to come home, Michael can’t help but notice how quiet the house is. He wishes he’d thought to turn on some music or something that would make it feel more lived in. He still feels like a guest in his own house, something he knows Alex struggles with as well, and he just wants it to start feeling like home.

They finished unpacking earlier in the week, but even being surrounded by their things hadn’t helped. Maybe it was all too neat or maybe it was how the lack of boxes highlighted the empty rooms and the decisions that needed to be made about whether or not to fill them. There were also what they have been told are normal moving mishaps. Despite Alex’s elaborate labeling system and spreadsheets, the contents of an entire bookshelf along with half their dishes were missing for three days only to mysteriously reappear exactly where they were supposed to be.

The biggest frustration had come when they discovered none of the grab bars had been installed in the bathrooms before they moved in. The contractor they hired to make all the modifications said the bars had been damaged in transport, and replacements wouldn’t arrive for a few more days. Michael has been livid, but Alex seemed to shrug it off. He told Michael he would be fine with just the shower chair for the time being.

But Michael hadn’t been able to let it go. He didn’t understand why Alex had been pissed at him for cursing out the contractor when he called with another delay.

“I’m not a fucking invalid,” Alex had snapped at him.

“I didn’t say you were, but this was supposed to be done before we moved it. It’s not like curtains were back ordered, this is important. I should have just done it myself.”

“The VA won’t pay for it unless we use an approved contractor. We were lucky to get the grant in the first place, you know that. I can make do for now.”

Michael glared at Alex because he shouldn’t have to fight for the benefits he earned, but that wasn’t the fight he wanted to have right now. “You shouldn’t have to make do, that’s the whole point. This isn’t some shitty hotel the Air Force is putting you up in. This is your home, Alex. You deserve to be comfortable and safe here.”

“Well, yelling at people isn’t going to speed up the process.”

Michael had thrown up his hands and walked away, not willing to continue the fight. The modifications had been finished a few days later, but it felt like he and Alex still weren’t on the same page. He doesn’t know why this move is such a struggle. Moving in with Alex had been an easy transition, and they’d fought less while planning their wedding with Isobel. 

The timer beeps pulling Michael back into the present. He takes out the cornbread and uncovers the enchiladas so the cheese can brown a bit. A few minutes later he takes the enchiladas out and sets all the food out on the island. Just as he’s trying to decide if he should get the dishes out, he hears the front door open.

“Michael?” he hears Alex call out. “You’re home already?”

“Yeah,” he wipes his hands on the dish towel and walks into the living room. “Finished up early so I thought I would come home and make dinner.”

“Smells great,” Alex smiles and kisses his cheek. He runs a hand down Michael’s back and pulls him forward for a quick hug. “Do I have time to get changed?”

“Everything just came out of the oven so you have plenty of time. Go get comfortable then we’ll eat.” The uniform doesn’t bother Michael as much as it used to, but he still prefers Alex out of it. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t counting the days until Alex retired. “Shower if you want, I’ll get the table set.”

Alex comes back into the kitchen freshly showered and looking more relaxed than he has in days. “You wanna grab a few beers from the fridge, and I’ll get the food,” Michael directs him.

“Sure.”

They’ve mostly been eating at the island or in the living room, but Michael carries the plates he’d filled to the round table they bought for what the realtor kept calling the breakfast nook. Michael shakes his head, still finding it hard to believe he's living in a house with a breakfast nook. He sets the plates on the table where he has already laid out the sour cream, hot sauce, salsa and butter. When Alex comes in, he takes the beers from his hands, adding them to the table, then pulls Alex’s chair out for him, making him blush and duck his head.

Neither of them speak while they fix their plates, but after they take the first few bites, Alex reaches across the table for Michael’s hand, “This is really nice. Thank you.”

The sincerity in Alex’s eyes has Michael blushing, “You’re welcome.”

Alex nudges his leg under the table, “Is this going to be a thing now, you cooking amazing dinners, or did I miss an anniversary or something.”

“No,” Michael laughs, appreciating the way Alex is lighting the mood. “I just read somewhere that cooking can make a house feel more like a home. If you cook a favorite meal in a new house the familiar scents with make you feel more comfortable there.”

“I think it’s working,” Alex squeezes his hand. “But it’s not the food that’s making me feel more at home, it’s you. I love coming home to you.”

“It’s a start. I don’t know why this has been so hard,” Michael sighs, slumping a little in his chair. “Moving in with you was so much easier.”

“I think that’s because we were focused on different things,” Alex pauses and considers what he means before continuing. “I wanted to make sure you felt welcome, and you were trying to figure out how you fit. Now we are both trying to adjust at the same time to the same thing. And it’s a big step for us. We’ve talked about getting a bigger house and then deciding how we wanted to start a family once I retire. We have the house so those decisions are suddenly a lot more real.”

Michael hadn’t thought of it like that, but what Alex said made sense. “How about we just focus on us for a little while before worrying about the future.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Alex agrees.

The rest of dinner is perfect. They talk about their plans for the weekend, the next things they want to do with the house. For the first time since they moved in, Michael feels completely at ease.

Once they are finished cleaning up, Michael leans into Alex’s embrace, moaning when Alex starts massaging his shoulders. “I have a surprise for you, too,” Alex whispers into his ear.

“Oh yeah,” Michael perks up.

“Not that kind of surprise,” Alex rolls his eyes. “Come with me.”

Michael follows Alex out to the front porch where Alex points to a plaque leaning against the railing. “You need to tell me where you want to put this.”

Michael picks it up, surprised by its weight. He realizes it is made of slate that has been painted. At first glance it’s similar to plaques he’s seen on houses in the Evan’s neighborhood and near the house Isobel lived in during her marriage. He traces his fingers over the beautifully scripted letters that spell out, “The Guerins.”

But it’s the background that has him tearing up. The plaque is painted in the iridescent blues, purples and golds of his home. It’s a stunning night sky dotted with constellations they found sketched throughout Tripp’s journal, constellations not seen from Earth. 

“Rosa painted it,” Alex says as Michael continues to stare at it. “I know how much every piece of your history means to you, and I hate that it has to be hidden away. I wanted there to be something that showed who you are.”

“I love it. Thank you,” Michael looks at the plaque one more time before setting it down. He has a few ideas about where to put it, but he has time to decide. “Let’s go back inside. I put new sheets on the bed, and we need to christian them.”

He and Alex walk back into the house hand in hand.

**+1**  
Alex flips the hashbrowns over and resets the oven timer for another ten minutes. Hopefully he will have everything else done by then. He goes back over to the island and plugs in the waffle maker to preheat. The dry ingredients are already mixed, now he just needs to separate the eggs. 

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath when he pushes his thumb all the way through the first egg.

“You good over there?” Michael asks from the stove.

“It’s fine. I still have another nine spare ones until I’m screwed,” Alex glares at the egg carton while Michael laughs. Luckily the next two eggs separate perfectly and he quickly combines the yolks with the milk, oil and vanilla. Once that’s done, he starts on the egg whites.

“Do these look like stiff peaks to you?” he turns the bowl toward Michael after a few minutes of beating them.

“You want me to see how stiff your peaks are?” Michael smirks at him.

“I hate you,” Alex says as he tries to hide his smile.

“No you don’t,” Michael says confidently. “You love me.”

“I do,” Alex sets the bowl down and hugs Michael, resting his head in the crook of his shoulder. “But I really want everything to be perfect.”

“I get it,” Mchael runs a soothing hand down Alex’s back. “But today is going to be a good day no matter what happens with the waffles. You know that right?”

Alex nods into Michael’s neck because he knows Michael is right. Today is a good day, an amazing day really. He just wants every part of it to be perfect, including the waffles. Alex straightens up and presses a kiss into the curls on the side of Michael’s head. “Thanks.”

“For the record, your peaks look very stiff to me,” Michael says with a grin. “And I love you, too.”

Shaking his head, Alex turns back to his batter. He carefully folds in the egg whites and thankfully remembers to spray the waffle iron before adding the first scoop of batter. Just as he closes the waffle iron, the oven timer goes off. The hashbrowns look good so Alex transfers them to a plate and turns the oven off.

Hearing the griddle sizzle, he turns to see Michael starting the pancakes. “You have the chocolate chips right?”

“Right here,” Michael shakes the bag sitting on the counter. “I wouldn’t forget the most important ingredient.”

They fall into a rhythm after that. Michael cooks the bacon along with the pancakes while Alex makes more waffles and warms up the strawberry sauce he made the night before. Once everything is cooked, they start lining it up on the island. “We didn’t forget anything, did we?” Alex asks.

“No, I think we’re good. Dylan and Peter wanted chocolate chip pancakes and hashbrowns like McDonalds. Maddie asked for waffles with strawberry sauce and crispy bacon. It’s all here,” Michael points to each item as he lists it. “Grab the plates and I’ll set out the glasses.”

Just as Alex sets out the plates, Michael calls him from the table, “Who requested the glass pitchers for the milk and orange juice.”

Alex flushes a bit, but refuses to be embarrassed for trying to make the table look nice. “I don’t know maybe the same person who asked for chocolate chip smiley faces and a rose shaped strawberry.”

“Ready?” Michael asks when Alex joins him next to the table.

“Yeah,” Alex says. 

Michael wraps his arm around Alex’s waist, and Alex leans into it. He feels Michael's chest expand just before he yells, “Kids, breakfast!”

Dylan and Peter run into the kitchen with all the energy you’d expect from two hungry seven year olds. They crash into Michael and Alex, allowing a quick hug before pulling Michael over to the island so he can help them fill their plates.

Maddie follows in behind them. She smiles when she sees the plate piled high with waffles. Alex feels some of his fears melt away when she looks at him and says, “Those look really good.”

Once everyone has their food and they start to eat, Alex exchanges an amused look with Michael when they notice Peter wiggling in his seat.

“You got ants in your pants there, Buddy?” Michael teases.

“Nope, I’m just excited,” Peter says around a mouthful of pancake. “It’s adoption day!”

“It is,” Michael says with a smile almost as bright as Peter’s. “Do you remember what that means?” The kids all nod, but Michael walks them through it anyway. Alex is so glad he is there, because just hearing the words ‘adoption day’ has his throat too tight to speak. “After breakfast we are going to go to the courthouse, and we get to talk to the judge. When they ask why we are there, Alex and I will tell them we want to adopt you so we can be your parents, and you get to stay with us. That means we get to love you and take care of you forever.”

Michael squeezes Alex's hand under the table, and Alex finds his voice. “And then the judge will ask if that is what you want too.”

“And we say yes,” Dylan pipes up.

“Then we get to be Guerin’s too,” Peter high fives his brother.

“Harper-Guerin’s,” Alex reminds him gently, glancing over at Maddie. At thirteen, the transition has been harder for her, and he can see she is relieved to hear they were still planning to hyphenate their last names. “You’re keeping your mom’s name and adding ours to it, so you have both your families’ names.”

“Grandma’s still coming, right?” Maddie asks.

“Yes, Greg is going to pick her up and bring her. Max and Isobel will be there too.” Evelyn, the children’s grandmother lived about an hour outside of Roswell, and they do their best to see her as much as possible. It means a lot to Alex and Michael to have her approval, and having her stand with them today is important to both them and the kids.

“And when we are done at the courthouse, we are going to the Crashdown for lunch and a party with the rest of our family.”

“Will there be cake?” Peter’s eyes light up when Michael mentions a party.

“Do you think Rosa would forget to bake you a cake?” Michael asks with a laugh.

“Rosa always has cake,” Dylan says with awe.

“I bet she has something really special for you today,” Alex assures them. 

He knows Rosa isn’t the only one with something planned for the kids. Not only had Arturo insisted on cooking up a huge buffet of all the kids’ favorites, he was closing the Crashdown for the afternoon to make sure they had enough space for everyone who wanted to celebrate with them. In the six months since the kids came to live with them, it’s not just Alex and Michael that have come to love them, but their entire extended family. It amazes Alex that despite growing up unloved, he and Michael have become part of such a wonderful family over the years and are able to give Maddie, Dylan and Peter a host of aunts, uncles and grandparents to love them.

“Sounds like a pretty great day to me,” Michael catches Maddie’s eye and winks and her. She rolls her eyes, but smiles and nods at him. “So we better eat this delicious breakfast before it gets cold.”

Alex looks around the table at his family and is overwhelmed with the happiness and contentment he feels every time he thinks about how this is his life now. Michael squeezes his hand again, grounding him in the moment, reminding him that no matter how important today is, right now he’s just having breakfast with his husband and children. Something he will get to do again and again. He wipes his eyes with his free hand and clears his throat, “Who needs more syrup?”


End file.
